Big Change of Duhita's World

You didn’t know how big the change of my life is in the last 30 days. I used to be an ordinary undergraduate student. Now I am gonna be an employee on a hospital. Just wait a while. I have been working as a trainee there for about a month to show how well I can work, so they could hire me if they thought I am worth it.  A month is not a short time.  I had to leave my college, and I left some of mid-exams, assignments, my presences. It really drove me crazy. In this 2 weeks, I have to wait for the decision of the company management whether or not I am hired. So, I come back to college, and it’s superrrrr hard for me. I left everything about school, I feel like I have to study everything from zero. And I do.

Yesterday, it was the last day of final exam in this semester. It was exciting to know that even though I was in hiatus for a month, I am sure I aced the tests. I was so confident about the result. I don’t know if I have to be back to college—and not to work in the hospital, so I study as hard as I used to to pursue one of my dreams. Cum Laude.

By the way, I tell you that I will work in a hospital which is faaar away from my current city. Do you still remember my auntie I have told you about in this post? I would work in the hospital where she works.

Knowing so far away the workplace is from my house, I had no choice but to quit studying in my current college. I have to start over again in Situbondo. But I still love Accounting, I’ll never change this. And cum laude remains one of my dreams. It would be super special as I need to balance my work and my college to make it happens.

My life is changing rapidly. I never thought that I would get a chance to live in my auntie’s home, and to work in the same workplace. I even didn’t feel ready to work in this age. I’m 19 and I thought I was still a child. Working is a whole new experience. It’s totally different with school life, college life, and other life I have been experienced before. Sometimes I am frightened to face it. It’s like living in the real world, and facing ‘cold world’. Luckily, a month I’ve been through as a trainee made me a little bit feel positive about it. It’s not as scaring as I thought as long as I work properly and trying to be a nice kid to everyone.

I am sure there must be more challenges for me to be a winner. Despite of so much worry I ever felt, I am ready to face them.

I am sure I am a winner. :)

I'm now giving in, But I'm gonna WIN

I totally lose my confidence. I feel not pretty. No matter how hard I am trying to say that beauty comes from inner, the fact says that it doesn’t. A flawless girl: tall slim body, white perfect skin, smooth hair, and fashionable is a beautiful one, without knowing her personality, ability, intelligence, and so on. Everybody knew that I am not that type of girl. So, you eventually know that I am not pretty. 

I wish I wouldn’t stop to move forward after realizing this. Can you believe? I almost give up. To boost my mood in studying, I rely on my love life.  Unfortunately, when in high school, love life never killed me like it does now. The guys here are neither charming nor handsome. But look at their girlfriends! No one is ugly. What am I supposed to do then? Nothing. Just praying and wishing that I hadn’t ever born in this era. Sigh, I want to have a boyfriend. T.T

Maybe my love adventure has to stop now. I have been fed up.  Since I was in elementary school, I have been in a love relationship (seriously!). There were a lot of boys having a crush on me. How did I know? They told me. Most of them said it with love letter (It was so classic). Some of them said it frontally, in the school backyard. I am not sure every girl had that experience like me. 

It is a normal way, guys like girls because their physical appearance. If there were many boys having a crush on me, it means that I was beautiful at that era. I never put on any make up, any cosmetics, any beauty treatment. I was naturally beautiful! (I was, not I am. :( ) 

I believe that I am not ugly. Absolutely not. I’m just a little bit lose in following fashion trend, buying make up, cosmetics, etc. It’s not a big problem, my friend! All I have to do is watching the girls around me growing up with the ‘beauty pageant’ in college, I keep pursuing my dreams, and I am gonna WIN! That’s it.

What about my love life? Oh, it’s not so easy. But it’s not difficult. Being single is not bad for now. Let the boys out there choose their pretty girls. I don’t care.

   

Richness + Simplicity = Perfection

Studying in a vocational high school makes me have most of my friends looking for a job after graduation. They seem to be rich, now. At least they could go shopping every week, purchase cool gadgets, go to beauty salon regularly, buy cosmetics, etc. Everyday is living it up, because their money is much. To be honest, I really want to go to work like them. I want to have much money, and be a daughter that my parents could be proud of. Then I find out that my parents want me to go to college, not to work. Even though I can work balancing with my college, I am not sure I can. I have a target, that I’d pass the college by achieving cum laude. I don’t think it is super easy, so I would try very hard and give everything (one of them is my time) I have to reach it.

If someday I get a job, I promise I won’t spend my money only to treat myself. I get inspired by my auntie, Setyowati Rita Okiani, she is a super woman. She is the first children (same with me) of my grandparents. After graduating from Airlangga University, Surabaya, she found a job as a radiologist in a hospital in Situbondo, Indonesia. Since then, she helped my grandparents to pay her siblings’ tuition fee. Do you know how many siblings she has? She has 3 sisters and 2 brothers! If I were her, I was probably sick of spending all money I look for to pay what my parents should pay. But what my auntie did is not to stop paying her siblings’ tuition fee until they were graduated. And lately I heard from my grandma, that she would pay my tuition fee if my parents couldn’t afford to. OMG, I never found any women who have a big heart like hers around me.

Allah is merciful and compassionate. What my auntie did, has done, is doing, do, and will do, Allah knows about it, and sure he gives much better things what my auntie gives to others. She keeps giving, but she is getting richer day by day. What’s more? Her husband is a manager of a financial company, I’m pretty sure the salary is higher than my auntie’s. He is handsome, patient, full-smile, and the same as my auntie, my uncle is rich but not arrogant. Their sons inherit their personality, I see. What a great family! I’m amazed.  

 
The things I remember the most, my auntie never tried to look pretty by wearing either glamorous dress or expensive sparkling diamond, she even don’t wear any make up. She looks gorgeous because her natural beautiful face and her beautiful heart of course. In the BlackBerry trends in Indonesia, my auntie and her family don’t follow it. So is it with other trends, my auntie stay cool with her own style, simplicity.

I want to be like my auntie. She really fits my philosophy of life: less is more. If you want to look gorgeous, you don’t need to be glamorous, simplicity is the best. No matter how much money can I get, I won’t be the other Agni, I won’t be glamorous. I’ll still be a minimalist in the way of dressing up and disbursement. That’s my fashion. Fashion is not about following the trends, it shows what our personality is.

The most part of my first salary I would dedicate to my mom. For the next months, I’ll pay my tuition fee by myself. The rest is for my brother, I let him ask me to buy anything he wants. Oh, that’d be so lovely. :)

Wish I found a good job someday. Hope I reach cum laude, hope all of my dreams come true! I believe I would. Wish me luck!

P.s. Finally I've got a modem for my PC! So from now on, complain me if this blog is lack of my updates. Have a nice day everyone. :)

Xoxo,

Agni

Frown

Yesterday, I stuck on a blog of my teacher. Wow, her blog was awesome. From there, I could conclude that she is the best teacher ever. She is not like me, just writing so many boring articles about personal life. She shared many tutorials about software, etc (I don’t understand about this one.), wrote her thought about so many problem in Indonesia education, announced her students’ mark in her subject, she shared about her personal life too, but just a little. The most important is that everything she wrote is in English. Not a bad English like mine, but a very excellent one. 

Apparently, I don’t have to wonder too much about her. She was an alumna of my school, achieving so many achievements. She always became the first in her class (if she was not, she would go suicide, seriously) and as far as I know, she won The National English Debate Competition among vocational high schools in Indonesia.

Reading her blog brings me back to the past, about three years ago, when I took my first step in that school. It was strange at first, but as time goes by, I fell in love with that school. Having loads of friends, taking pleasure in school facilities, joining a lot of extracurricular activities, being popular (honestly I am not pretty sure, haha), and having a senior as my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be very perfect, flawless. Oh, people are true saying that the most precious moment in one’s life is in high school. But I just could smile in a year having that happiness, before I must say bye-bye to everyone in the 2^nd year. :’(

I had to move into new school, my mom said. My dad had to work in other city, and I didn’t have any options except going along with my family. I cried, just could cry. Why should be me? I was not ready to see that I no longer had many friends, no longer take pleasure in school facilities, no longer join a lot of extracurricular activities (fyi, I won the first place in the English Debate Competition in my school), no longer popular, no longer have senior as my boyfriend. I lost everything I used to have in my hand.

Being a new student is difficult, it’s not easy to find a friend I can share with. :(

 My new school is neither national standardized nor international standardized, no

 facility could support me. :(

The extracurricular activities in my new school don’t accept the new student like me unless I want to be one of the juniors. (and I don’t like it). :(

I am new. It’s impossible if I rapidly become well-known in new school. :(

My new school just has girls, girls, and girls. No boy! Oh, too bad :(

Of course, I was very depressed. I lost my self-esteem. Suddenly I felt like I want to be my teacher. Before I moved, as I won the English Debate Competition, I was chosen as my school representatives to join the national competition, like she did. But what would it be if I had moved?

Be grateful of what you have today, you’d never know when you lost them…